standing at the junction

It always scares me to death to post anything in this blog using English. Do not know what is the reason though, but writing is always the matter for me. In addition to have that in my non-native language, though for those know me well knew that I’d love to communicate in English (even some of them said I talk as if I am a native). However, in some stage of your life, you will have your turning point that will enforce you to like what you hate, love what you hatred of, face what are you avoiding of, and those some kind of stuffs (aren’t we all be that way?). So I’ll just start to post this with my very unattractive English.


This post was written in the middle of my hectic idea of a thesis deadline (I stopped somewhere in my results section in chapter 4), on a sunny light Christmas day, that apparently Japanese would like to go to work at that day, so the date remain black on calendar, and in the very exhausted time due to lack of sleeps (dear, don’t we all always have that). So there I was, with some sleepless eye try to struggle with the help of a cup of coffee-au-late surfing here and there try to adsorb something from my reader feed that I always miss. Then, my eyes suddenly gets bigger when I read a post from an acquaintance that living far away in Netherland, which said something about Natural Science vs Social Science thing ( I like his posts , he is genius in my opinion). In his post too, he refers another link from another scientific blogger that apparently saying working in natural science is much more stressful with fully hours of lab experiment doing.


I wouldn’t go further into what they are saying about, in which interesting part though. My underline is I like the way they think, they write, and their effort to show the world about their though. I like this kind of people to affect my life, pumping my adrenaline to go many possibilities in every way I am able to, to search the world, seek our passion, and give that passion a bit of our life.  As for me these types of people more boost me up then those any motivator that many people will quote here and there. Don’t get me wrong, I am also surrounded by many great friends that were lovable, great, productive and supportive. But, again it always fail me up in bringing my own self to that level, to the level that I am longing this whole time. When I had those dreams, those motivations, in somehow they stopped right after several minutes I start. And after that I came back to the old same brand new me.


Maybe you ever wonder what kind of stages that I am facing through now? Ok, I’ll tell you a bit. Now, I am in the end of my formal school position (in which the pre-defense will about to have start in a few weeks), my paper finally got accepted somewhere in some “OK” publishing company, though I had to discard many data just to meet the paper standard and my school deadlines (that I regret sometimes, but I promise to myself this is just the start), and I am so much enthusiastic to follow up my latest research result though it may not be happening since the group should post the budget on some other reagent instead of hiring me as a postdoc I guess, and a bit of confusions where to go after this school just finished. Well, life should move on, bills should be paid, economic remain need to be run. At some rate, I guess we all have this stage, don’t we? But hey, I forgot to mention that I also should be able to accomplish another goal of my role as a wife and a mother. Since this is already been 5th year of the longing of my son for the presence of a little bro or little sis. And I can assure you that it would not easy to take another step of pregnancy with doing some postdoc.


So there am I, sitting in the edge of the cubicle where I can see the clear blue sky of my city in the east part of Japan, thinking how to actualize my dreams, my passion and my love in life. But then I realize I need to get back to chapter 4….


Dec, 25t 2012


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